And once again I'm back in Malaysia for a month's break.

The past one month was pretty rough on me. One-and-a-half-week's cramming for Business Finance and a management accounting subject, followed by a week's study for Corporate Law, and a bloody one and a half day's ultracram for Intermediate Fin Accounting. It drives in the point to me that consistent study is really important - if I hadn't done all my tutorial work for IFA throughout the semester, I would have screwed my exam up so badly because I wouldn't have understood a thing, thanks to Consolidation. Can't say I've not been warned...

Exams ended on Friday the 20th, and I spent the next few days relaxing with E until our parents' arrived in Melbourne (no more private time for us....). During the week I had to plan things down to the day as I had to move my belongings to the new apartment me and Kat rented, and also to collect stuff like the TV and washing machine. It was a bit hectic, but it all went okay, and by the time I left for Malaysia the apartment was all homey and wonderfully cosy. Now me and Kat just have to wait for her furniture to arrive (yay for sofas!!)

During the week I was feeling down and somewhat depressed over the state of my relationship that I picked a fight with E, that, thankfully, I managed to settle in less than 24 hours, with help from Kai.

I think that one important factor in relationships is having someone outside of the relationship to talk to about your relationship problems. I had Kai to confide into (even though it somewhat annoys E). Not any friend will do, however. In my opinion, they have to have these traits:

• must be impartial and doesn't take sides - important so that when you tell him/her your problems they must be able to step back and see both sides of the problem. You're annoyed that he doesn't spend time with you - what if he really is busy?
• someone who have experience
  
• preferably someone who knows both of you, or is at least close to you

Of course, in order to make the relationship work, you need to be honest with your partner. If you have problems with him/her, say it! They might not realize what they're doing is upsetting you! I'm a hypocrite in saying this, as I once got depressed over something he did not do and I did not tell him that. Lately, however, I talked to E about certain stuff that had been bothering me for ages, and the result was that I realized that I've been worrying over nothing. I could've smacked myself for all those times I was feeling down when it could have easily been solved by talking to him!! (Take note that we're not an old couple - we've just been together for a few months).

Next post will also be about relationships - to my friends, please bear with me!! :P It's just such a waste to keep all this info to myself, so I am writing this here as a reminder to me and as knowledge to whoever stumbles into this blog. Until then...

Manifest 2009

Thursday, and I'm in the middle of finishing my assignment for Business Finance. What a headache. Annuities and Capital Market Lines and lots and lots of formula. Not exactly my cup of tea, but hey, I'll manage.

Manifest was waaaay awesome. This was my first time attending! Instead of Melb Uni, like last year, they had it in the Melbourne Showgrounds this year. Had to wake up at 7am to prepare, and catch the tram to the Showgrounds. Tram 19 to the city, and then waited nearly half an hour for Tram 57 to Manifest. Unfortunately, the wait was rendered useless as when the tram came, it was filled to the brim with otakus! T_T Instead of cramming in, we took a Maxi cab with 3 other guys stranded at the tram stop like us. And they paid for our fare! Yatta! ^_^

Once there I went to register, get my pass, and then made my way to the Auction. Here, people who want to get rid of their anime-related stuff can have it auctioned off to other otakus. Some things of note: pimp juice, Ouran High magnets, tons of manga, figurines, as well as.... an inflatable Pocky. Evan bid and won a Toradora illustration book, a beautiful and high quality work *envy* while Emir won the Saber illustration book (at a high cost!) which put him into shock.

After that, the next event was the Anime Idol, where finalists sing to win the title of Idol. Not bad, the best singer was the Azumaria cosplayer from Chrono Chrusade, who sang the CC OP. The guys went wild over her, she having a good, somewhat childish voice, and a moe look, which all lolicons rave about. Halfway through they had a break, and invited the audience to come up and dance the Lucky Star OP. Of course, the guys all turned as one to me and went "GO", since I actually learned the dance steps, and in the end I caved in to peer pressure T_T.

The Activities Hall was really cool, with many traders selling anime-themed wares. Had a great time looking around, and got myself K-On! bookmarks, a simple Mokona keychain, and... a pair of cat's ears. Cute! Met up with Nat Tan later and went DDR with her too!

Overall, a great weekend, and if anyone is interested in photos, check out Facebook. Most were taken by Mani.

Nathan, Emir, Evan and Chee Yean, Mani as photographer

Life trudges on, and now it's August. It's currently Week 4 of the semester - in another 2-3 weeks I'll be sitting for my mid-sems, and I'm waaaay unprepared for it! Time flies too fast when you have plenty of things to do. Not that I'm as busy now as last semester. No more Cafe and Play for me. No more committee work, thank you. I'll just enjoy being free and available and stress-free. Sometimes, a break is needed to recharge and to relax, before plunging in to the next big challenge out there.

I'm already considering moving out of IH next year. I've been thinking about it for a few months already, but now I've made my decision. Goodbye IH, hello my new place. I took a look at the rental properties offered and their prices to check out the average rent I'll be paying. Boy, it sure is expensive for one person to live on her own! The cheapest option, of course, would be to rent a house, and cram as many people as possible into it (we're talking sqeezing two people to a room, and sticking someone in the garage). But I'd prefer a small place, with just another person. I enjoy my privacy too much to sacrifice it. Currently I'm in love with a beautiful apartment in Swanston St, just down from the uni. It's a tiny two-floor apartment (how awesome is that??!) and it's offered at a very very very reasonable rate. Now I just need to go find myself a housemate. E is out, as he's moving in with his friends. I'd love to have him, since he can cook. (Yes, I'm pathetic.) Hopefully he'll remember me from time to time - I have too little close friends now to lose them. Oh, and cross my fingers that the apartment will be still around until the end of the year.

One of my wishes came true. I finally got a soft-toy! Not that I didn't have any, but this is the first time someone actually gave me one. It's an Aspergillus oryzae (see Moyashimon the anime, and you'll know what I'm talking about). I pretty much freaked the kind giver out by tying a huge blue ribbon around the oryzae's head to change it into a her :D

This weekend would mark the beginning of Manifest (Melbourne's Anime festival) and a birthday party that I'm currently planning. Maybe there'll be updates later :) For now, toodles!

I used to read romance novels for a cheap thrill. And then later on I'd lie in bed depressed over how little I'm loved. I remember those times clearly - me, hugging a pillow, creating imaginary situations whereby I'm rejected again and again, in love. And then sometimes I'd cry it out, releasing all my other stress along with it with every tear.

Now that I can hardly claim to be lonely and unloved, I sometimes feel helpless at the fact that I cannot make up those imaginary situations again. It's as though I've come up against an emotional brick wall - no more feeling any self-pity and raging at the cruelty of the world. And when times get hard and I just want to curl up and piteously cry, I can't. Because I know that there's someone nearby who likes me, and to wallow in self-pity would mean that I'm not taking into consideration his feelings. And yet, I can't go to him and cry. He's such an emphatic guy, more observant than I am. And he shares the feelings of people close to him. But he's also rather pragmatic. For me to go up to him and cry, he'd either get hurt, or just tell me 'everything is hard.'

Just today I was somewhat emo-ing again, over my relationship - again *roll eyes*. My first relationship scared me out. While my ex was dreaming of a long, long relationship, I'd shudder when I imagined it stretched out for years and years. When we broke up I felt so happy, so free. In my current one, I know that ours would end when we graduate - the possibility of it lasting longer than that was slim, and we both knew it. Because of that I told myself that there was no point trying to take up too much of his time, or to do anything too serious. Sometimes, when I think of the end I get a little emotional, and start considering breaking up with him right here, right now. Better to hurt now than later. Then I'd think of how we managed to get together, and I knew I couldn't do it.

Yes, I know that I'm a fickle-minded, weak and stupid girl.

Back to the serenity...

After a month of holidays, back to Melbourne, where life seems so much more simpler.

Was surprised to find myself seating next to my dear neighbor and friend, Rachel. Took a cab back to International House with her.

And after a long month, I saw him again. The whole month saw me thinking a lot about our relationship. Long distance is too hard on the ones who have too many doubts and other obligations. And unfortunately, I think I may be one of them. But for now, I enjoy being with him. The future can wait.

Ramen-Ya for lunch, and then a walk back to the hostel, holding hands. Strangely enough he is the only one I'm willing to walk with on the tiresome 40-minute journey from IH to the city. Never said I was a big fan of walking :)

Woken up at 7am by the sounds of an o-weekender shouting through the loudspeaker and banging on the doors. Got annoyed enough to open the door and told them NOT to bang on this door (and several others).

Uni's starting again tomorrow. The almost impossible expectations to fulfill. The guilt of slacking. And the friends who are there to support and be supported by. Life is beautifully imperfect :)